Conflict Shootout – Agreement Is Overrated!
Executive retreats and high-level meetings are tough. There is always something serious to consider and a high expectation for agreement. But guess what? Agreement is dangerously overrated. Instead, start a disagreement, get negative, stir up some conflict and you will get more done. Here’s how to use conflict to fire collaboration and inspire new ideas.
Conflict Shootout
It’s a modern version of the classic scene in the old movie westerns. The leader, speaker or expert presents an idea and then stands, hands poised above the holster – ready to shoot down anyone who doesn’t okay that plan. He or she is defying anyone to disagree. If other people have a different idea, solution or objection, then they better have a lightning draw.
Agreement Is Overrated
Most people simply hate disagreement. We loathe challenges to our ideas. We look for any opportunity to duck controversy. Personally, I think that many people don’t like disagreement or open discussion because they can’t explain or defend their ideas, position or decisions.
So let’s play a quick word association game and see where you stand. What are the first images that come to your mind when you think about these words?
• Agreement
• Disagreement
• Argument
• Conflict
For Agreement, did you visualize people calmly nodding “Yes”?
For Disagreement, did you visualize people shouting “No”?
For Argument, did you see someone tense, confrontational and emotional?
For Conflict, did you see an angry mob with torches and clubs, like in a monster movie?
None of those images is actually correct, because there is nothing inherently right or wrong with any of those four situations. (Well, okay, maybe not the torches and clubs!) Yet most business professionals generally assume that anything short of agreement is bad or negative. Agreement is efficient, and disagreement is a destructive waste of time. Pardon me, but I DISAGREE.
The most dangerous assumption in life is: “I know how everyone thinks and they all think like me.”
A Wise Man
Give People Permission to Disagree
When everyone agrees with you, you feel in control. But disagreement and conflict are valuable. You want them!
Challenges, competitions and team building are viewed as productive because they encourage creative thinking and performance. So why be so worried about avoiding disagreement and conflict? If management-led conflict is motivating, bonding and builds a stronger organization, why is employee or customer-led conflict negative? It’s not.
Agree To Disagree
Communication by decree is the total opposite of engagement. You want and need your audiences, employees and customers to be involved. You want them to Think, Feel, Act and Do. If they don’t it means:
People don’t care.
People don’t believe you.
People feel they don’t have permission to contribute.
Discussion, disagreement and challenges are powerful ways to get people engaged, thinking, enhancing and polishing ideas and plans. If you want your audiences, employees and customers to “own” a plan, process, product or service … this is it! Agree to disagree.
Ask for The Negatives
I’m not sure how the idea spread that everything in business has to be spun as a positive. “We don’t have problems, we have opportunities” is terrible strategy. Any leader or company has to recognize and discuss problems so they can be overcome. Automatically jumping to a fairytale attitude of sugarcoating everything is simply lying.
A better strategy is to give people a safe, controlled way to disagree and discuss information and ideas. Many times it takes a lot of guts to stand up and challenge the boss or the person at the front of the room with a microphone. But if you don’t invite it, you risk missing some critical thinking and new ideas.
Conflict With Control
Start before the final decision is made. If it’s set in stone, the opportunity has past. This isn’t something you do in the main general session with 1,000 people. This is a format for upper-level executives and teams who have input and insight on key decisions. Here are some ways you can invite disagreement and still have control of your retreat, session or workshop.
1. Have the authority to have the discussion.
2. Explain the problem, goal or objective and the time limit. This is what must be done.
3. Present what is being suggested or considered and explain it clearly and impartially. Don’t sell!
4. Invite people to disagree. Ask for disagreement.
“Why won’t this work?
“What are the ways this could fail?”
“What are other ways to accomplish this goal?
“How could we do this better?”
5. Facilitate the discussion. Don’t get defensive, take a stand or challenge anyone’s ideas.
Collaboration – Not Conflict
Is the focus on the negative? Of course it is. You can learn much more from discussing the possibilities of failure and letting people try to pull the plan apart. Along the way, you’ll see something amazing happen. The negatives will burn themselves out and the collaboration will begin. This is when the experience shifts to the positive side and the real, results-driving creativity starts. The discussion changes from why the plan or ideas won’t work – to what will work.
Bad conflict changes to good conflict.
Just make sure you have reasonable expectations. What do you want: consensus, cooperation or collaboration?
– Consensus means people agree, and that’s all.
– Cooperation means people won’t resist.
– Collaboration means everyone is engaged and actively working toward achieving the objective.
The goal is collaboration. Don’t expect to walk out with a solution or consensus. You are being inclusive and looking for fresh thinking.
The Mechanics
Every group has different dynamics, so think things through in advance so you can tailor the experience to the people in the room. Don’t make it a table exercise. You want open discussion. Don’t create teams or attempt to make it a competition.
• Allow a good timeframe. This isn’t a 20-minute exercise. Depending on the importance of the issue or plan, it can take several hours.
• Make sure the leader or presenter can be impartial and has a thick skin. Realize that people are challenging ideas and not the presenter or speaker.
• Gather ideas but don’t make a show of it. Don’t ask anyone to summarize or report. Have several people who just listen and take notes.
• When time is up, thank the group for their openness, honesty and collaboration. Explain what your next steps will be, based on the original objective. Be sure to include how you will communicate what is being considered and done.
Draw, Pardner!
The first western movie ever made was “The Great Train Robbery” in 1903. And from then on, the shootout was there. Did you know that history says that gunfights were actually very rare in the Old West? Forget the Hollywood fast draw – usually, two men drew their guns and just blasted away until they ran out of bullets. The biggest casualties were the spectators.
Don’t let it happen to you. You don’t want a shootout or a standoff. And you don’t want forced agreement. Forced agreement is no agreement at all. Get smart and calmly light the fire, challenge the ideas and get everyone involved in evaluating if an idea or plan can be shot down or improved. You’ll find that conflict can be more engaging, more productive and fun. It all begins when you give people permission to disagree with no reprisals.
When the smoke clears, you’ll have stronger, innovative ideas and fully engaged people – who know they have the freedom to think, speak, challenge, and contribute.
The organization will be stronger and your new plans will be – bullet proof!
